Blurred
by Jeanny
Summary: While away with Groo, Cordelia gets a vision about Connor's kidnapping. (This piece is completely AU from what actually happened, though some of the themes are similar)


Title: Blurred

Author: Jeanny

Feedback: Please. jeannygrrl@hotmail.com

Distribution: I don't mind, just credit me and let me know where it's going.

Pairings: C/Groo, C/A

Rating: R

Spoilers: Season 3 Through Sleep Tight

Disclaimer: I own no one and nothing, especially the characters in this story. I'm merely borrowing them for the pure pleasure of messing with their lives.

Summary: Cordelia gets a vision that catches her up on what happened with Connor. (This piece is complete AU from what actually happened, though some of the themes are similar)

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Cordelia moaned in pleasure, moving her hips to the rhythm, urging Groo deeper. The last few days had been the best of her life. She had almost forgotten how good sex could be, and Groo was an attentive and dedicated lover. She had been and was continuing to be well and truly...

"I love you, Princess!" Groo panted, and Cordelia felt herself racing to the edge once again. 

"I love you too..." she began, opening her eyes so that she could look into his as she climaxed. Instead she found herself looking into equally familiar but unexpected eyes. "...Angel?"

"Princess?" Groo's voice coming from Angel's mouth was confused and a bit hurt, but Cordelia barely heard it. Angel's mouth twisted in despair and horror, and he reached out over her head towards something...Cordelia turned her head to look behind her and saw Holtz carrying something...something small...something alive...running towards something Cordelia had never seen before but was sure was most certainly Hell...

"Oh God...oh my God...he's got Connor..." she panted, looking up at her lover, now restored to the correct but very confused face of Groo. "I've got to warn them...get off me. Get off me!" she screamed, barely feeling him pull away. She leapt at the phone, fumbling the receiver off the cradle and dialing with shaking hands. "Hello! Lorne?...Yeah, it's me. I need to talk to Wes or Angel...it's urgent! Connor's in danger...what?" Cordelia stared at the wall in disbelief as Lorne filled her in on what had happened a few hours ago. "No! That can't be...I just got a vision..." Tears flowed freely from Cordelia's eyes as her voice grew thick with emotion. "Why didn't anyone call me? I...I don't understand. Wesley wouldn't..." Responding to her distress, Groo reached out and Cordelia grabbed his hand gratefully, holding it tightly. "How's Angel? Wait, stupid question, he's locked himself away, not talking to anyone, brooding like an Olympic brooding gold medalist, right?...no, don't need a vision to know that. I'm on my way, Lorne...that doesn't matter anymore. Not with Connor...I'll be there in a little while."

Cordelia hung up the phone and seemed to shrink. Groo thought he'd never seen her look that small. And even though her features were smooth as glass, her bearing told him she was unwell, with shock and grief no doubt. Well, her bearing plus the part of the conversation he had overheard.

"Princess?" he asked uncertainly.

"Groo. Something terrible has happened. The baby...Angel needs me - us. He needs us."

"Something threatens the babe? No harm shall come to him as long as I am near, I swear it." At the earnestness in his words, Cordelia burst into tears. "Princess?"

"It's too late...Connor's already gone...he's gone, Groo...and Angel...Angel might be gone, too. In the broken sense." Groo frowned, tilting his head the way he often did when confronting some new object or turn of phrase with which he had no experience. Viewing him through the veil caused by her tears, Cordelia suddenly realized how very much he looked like... "Angel...is in horrible pain, Groo." She allowed herself the luxury of closing her eyes, of shutting down her vision for just this moment of solace. She felt a hand touch her hair and half-sobbed a shuddering sigh.

"I do not understand...but I will do what I can to help you and Angel, Princess." Cordelia's gaze softened, and she stroked his cheek lovingly. He was a simple man, but that innocent openness was welcome when the world could be so confusing, and difficult, and unpredictable. She smiled up at him reassuringly, with more than a little regret. Regret for cutting their vacation short.

Regret that she couldn't...give him...couldn't return his...

"I'm sorry. About..." she gestured towards the room generally, and he nodded understanding.

"Do not be. It is wrong for us to spend time in pleasure when our friends are in pain."

Cordelia brushed at her tears impatiently with the back of her hand.

"We've got to get going. Get packed and checked out and back to L.A."

"There is something else we should do first," Groo said gently, and she looked at him quizzically. "I do not know all of your customs, Princess, but from what I have observed, it is not permitted to walk your streets naked."

Cordelia looked down at herself and blushed, but she had to smile at him.

"Okay, get dressed. Just...we need to go. Now."

"I will get you home without delay. I swear on my life." Groo's heavy-handed gallantry made her cringe on one level, but the greater part of her was touched.

"I don't think your life will be necessary," she said drily, moving to the bathroom. She didn't want to waste time, but knew a shower was in order. Angel would smell her...their...whatever. And she knew she didn't want him to, though she couldn't have explained why at that moment. It was just...how she felt.

It seemed like it took an eternity, but Cordelia had to admit that Groo was true to his word. They were standing at the Hyperion's main entrance before sunset. She reached to push open the door and suddenly hesitated. Groo frowned at her lost expression.

"Princess?"

"I can't do this," she said desperately. "Connor..he's gone. How can I go in there and have him not be there? And Angel...my God! What can I possibly say to him? There's nothing, Groo."

"There is you."

She looked at him in surprise, taking in his solemn adoration. He nodded.

"You are so sweet," she said, stroking his cheek sadly. Then she squared her shoulders and pushed through the doors and into the empty lobby.

Or it had seemed empty, until they had noticed Lorne sitting still and alone in one of the chairs. He looked at them and Cordelia shivered. The devastation in his eyes said everything that needed to be said.

"Princess," he said, standing and holding out his arms. She hugged him without hesitation, feeling the tears coming again and forcing them down.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. Then, louder, "I don't understand, Lorne. Why would the Powers send me a vision too late to be any good?"

"I wouldn't say that," Lorne sadly replied. "I think you'll do a lot of good. You may be the only one who can get through to the big lug."

"How is he doing?"

"Hasn't said a word since he told me. Holed up in the baby's room right now, but he's mostly been doing a lot of research. And scaring the mierda out of me."

"What are you saying, Lorne?"

"Angel's not just sad, he's seriously crazed."

"Connor's been taken to hell, Lorne. Angel would be nuts if he wasn't angry-"

"'Angry' doesn't even come close to covering it. Trust me when I tell you that this mood isn't a good look for him. I don't need him to mangle Mr. Manilow to know he's planning something we're all going to regret unless someone talks him down. I'd do it myself, but he's gotten a bit insistent about being left alone, and this suit looks much better on than stuffed down my throat. You, on the other hand...no man in his right mind's gonna lift a hand against you."

"I will not allow Cordelia to be harmed," Groo said in alarm. His arms went around her in a protective gesture, and Cordy hastened to soothe him.

"It's okay. Angel won't hurt me, that's what Lorne's trying to say."

"Give the lady a gold star," Lorne confirmed. Seeing Groo's confusion, he added offhandedly, "Funny earth expression. It means Cordy's right. No matter how whacked out the big fella is, I can't imagine him ever putting a paw on our Miss C. Not to injure anyway." The Host laughed nervously as he felt two pairs of sharp questioning eyes on him now. "Maybe you should go on and see him. As my dear mother used to say, 'The sooner you get out of my sight, the sooner I can spread the remains of disembowled pigs to clear your stench.'" Cordelia's glare could have melted the polar ice cap, and Lorne held up his hands in defense. "Sorry, sorry...Mom never worked for Hallmark. You know, it's getting hard to talk with these size 10's in my mouth, if you could just put me out of my misery, I'd be ever so." Ignoring the green-skinned demon, Cordy smiled thinly at Groo.

"I'm going to go talk to Angel. You should stay here with Lorne."

"But-" Groo began to protest, but Lorne's surprisingly strong hand on his arm had him moving towards the door. The green-skinned demon smiled at him encouragingly.

"C'mon, you big hero you. Someone around here has to make a grocery run, and I'm nominating you and me." At Groo's puzzled look, he continued. "You'll love it. Total adventure, truly. Besides depending on how crowded the market is, I might need a champion. It's amazing how vicious some people get when you put a shopping cart in their hands."

Once they were gone, she walked slowly towards the nursery. She concentrated on moving slowly and soundlessly, not fully sure why it was important to her that she be either. She felt like a ghost moving through these corridors, colorless and without substance. Despite her best intentions, though, she couldn't help but gasp as she spied the burned out interior. If Angel heard, he didn't react to her at all. His whole concentration was centered on the crib, miraculously untouched by the flames. As she got closer, she realized that it wasn't a miracle she was seeing, but a nightmare. 

The crib had been newly purchased. And never used.

"Angel," she breathed. He never looked away.

"You shouldn't have come back," he muttered, his voice raw and hollow.

"I had a vision about Connor-"

Whatever the rest of that sentence might have been was lost as Cordelia felt her head crack against the charred wall. Angel's hand was on her throat and his eyes were glittering and dangerous. She struggled to breathe as he squeezed slightly.

"You knew? You KNEW?" he asked, and she managed to shake her head. He released her just as suddenly as he'd grabbed her, and Cordelia took a deep breath, shaking violently.

"Dammit Angel, I saw what happened after. Just the highlights. You honestly think that if I had known that Holtz...that he..." He reached for her and she flinched involuntarily. Angel dropped his hands as if she'd burned him.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have...I'm sorry."

"Lorne said you wouldn't hurt me," she said dully. This time Angel flinched. He fell against the wall, sinking down to the floor, looking up at her with tear-filled eyes.

"Everything's falling apart," he whispered. "How can this be happening? Tell me how?"

"I don't know," Cordelia admitted, placing a shaking hand on his arm. "I don't know, Angel. I wish to God I did."

"I do," he whispered, and Cordelia shivered. She felt like she knew what he was going to say before he said it, not because of a vision or premonition but because she could feel the rage emanating off him in waves. "I know. It was Wesley. Wesley's fault, all of this."

"Not...all...where are you going?" Angel had spring to his feet and moved through the room with vampiric speed, and Cordelia found herself shouting after him. "Angel! Wait! Don't do this! I mean it, I want you to *stop*!"

Cordelia saw a flash of light and felt something pass through her, then heard Angel make a strangely strangled cry. She ran down the hall and skidded to a stop, stunned. The newly demon-endowed seer stood staring up at her boss, now suspended in midair in some kind of jellied light bubble. He looked down at her, clearly torn between fury and amazement. She couldn't hear him, but she could read his lips, and what she saw there made her blush.

"Did I do that?" she said in wonder, then scolded him, "Geez, Angel, I don't even know some of those words!" She read his lips again and responded, "Well I would let you out of there, if I knew how! I didn't even know I could do...this! How am I supposed to know how to undo it?" She paced a bit, thinking then looked up at him again. "I don't think I can undo it as long as I think you're gonna go kill Wesley. Do you promise not to do that?" Angel's lips moved again, and Cordelia blanched. Her mouth drew in a tight determined line and she crossed her arms. "I guess you just better get used to being the bubble boy then." Angel glared at her for a long period of time, then finally his head bowed, and all the fight seemed to go out of him. Cordelia sighed, and the vampire was gently lowered to the ground, the clear glow surrounding him fading like smoke.

"Don't ever do that again," he growled when his feet hit the ground, but his tone was subdued.

"Don't threaten my friends," she retorted. The look he gave her at that almost made her step back, but she held her ground, meeting his accusing stare calmly though her heart was pounding.

"Friends? How can you say that now?"

"Because I don't know what happened, but I know Wes, and so do you. You really think he'd..."

"I think the word you're searching for is betray," Angel bitterly stated.

"Fine. You think he'd betray you without a reason?" Cordy posed the question coolly, hands on hips. Angel growled angrily, but underneath was the emotion for which Cordy had been waiting. Profound grief.

"I don't care what his reason was. Connor's gone. I'm probably never gonna...I...oh God..." Just like that the anger was gone, and only the grief remained. It was enough to drive the vampire to his knees, and she knelt before him. She badly wanted to take him in her arms, but something...

"Shhhh...it's okay...it's gonna be okay Angel..."

Something...

"How can you say that?" she heard him ask. Her answer sounded to her own ears like it had come from a million miles away.

"I know it is."

Something was there...

"How can you know?" he asked, and Cordelia felt her head turn. She wasn't in control of it anymore, which should have alarmed her but didn't. She gazed at the lobby... 

...only it wasn't the same, it was different, it was older, and she was...they were happy...she saw a happy family unit, Fred and Gunn standing by and smiling with their arms wrapped around each other, Angel ruffling the hair of a teenaged Conner with one hand, his other hand wrapped around the waist of -*oh God, that's me!* - his lover looking up at him as he brought his face down to hers for a lingering kiss. Cordelia looked at her own face being kissed and realized that she...loved him...and he loved...

"No," she whispered, and tears clouded her eyes, clouded the vision, making it impossible to see clearly. If she couldn't see it, maybe it wouldn't come true. Not because she didn't want it to, because she knew in that moment it was exactly what she wanted...but because it would end badly. Loving Angel always ended badly, she knew that, she knew...

"Cordy, what is it?" Angel asked, concerned as the tears flowed down her cheeks. She looked at him, and he was blurred too. Everything between them was blurred, lines that were never meant to be crossed that she couldn't even find anymore, they were so ground into the dirt...how could she go back to...to this morning, when everything had been....she closed her eyes...

"Princess?" she heard another voice call, and without thinking she reached out her hands, as if she could be rescued, pulled away from this unwanted love. She felt Groo's embrace though she couldn't see him, and felt something go...through her. She was too overwhelmed to control it and his head whipped up and back as her eyes flew open and immediately locked with his, once loving, now hurt and accusing eyes. 

He knew. She wanted to take it back, but she hadn't said a thing. He'd seen. Seen into her heart in a way that there could be no denying. He sighed sadly, and that sound wounded her soul more than his anger might have. He'd felt her, felt the truth, and there was no coming back from that.

Cordelia felt a fresh round of tears begin to fall, distorting his features until he no longer looked familiar. What had been between them had been shattered in an instant, and she wanted to curse the Powers, to scream at them for what they'd done. She'd never wanted their stupid gift but she'd taken it, oh yes, taken it on and never complained, well almost never, even when it had nearly destroyed her. And now she feared it finally had. And just as if her brains had blown out the back of her head as Skip had assured her they eventually would before her demon infusion, she knew that there was fallout. Collateral damage. His arms were no longer around her and she shivered, not because she was cold but because she felt the loss of their comfort forever.

"Groo? Groo! What is this?" Angel asked in pure frustration as the other man fled, and Cordelia placed her head against his chest, curling against him like a kitten. "What happened to Groo? And I thought the visions didn't hurt you anymore." 

"So did I," Cordy said shakily.

"What did you see?" Angel asked her gently. His arms went around her, pulling her to him and stroking her hair with thoughtful tenderness. She looked at him, still crying. How could she tell him this?"

"I...I..."

"Aborted transmission," she heard Lorne say, and she could have kissed him with gratitude. The demon went on to smoothly lie to the vampire, "Happens on occasion to all of us. A little misfire from the Powers, hurts like the dickens...and very upsetting. Groo must have been affected by it, too...somehow..." he trailed off, unsure how that could be explained, but Angel seemed to be buying it.

"I think Groo was the unfortunate receiver of another of my new demon powers," Cordy said as she rubbed her eyes impatiently, every word absolutely true and yet still she felt like a liar. "He just picked the wrong time to try to comfort me."

"So...you're okay?" Angel asked softly. She shrugged, laughing raggedly, an edge of hysteria in it. What was okay? What was right? Wrong? Up? Down? How could anyone know?

"Yeah. No. I don't know. Are you?"

"I don't think so...but for what it's worth, I'm sorry. You were right."

"I was right. Of course," Cordy said with a hollow, hopeless laugh. Angel just held her tighter.

"Don't you want to know what you were right about?"

"It doesn't matter," the seer responded listlessly, then suddenly clutched at him desperately. "Yes. I need to know...I need to know I was right about something."

"Shhhh...it's gonna be alright. I believe you, Cordy," Angel soothed. His hand felt like ice against her cheek as he brushed away her tears. "I believe in you. You say things are gonna be okay, then I know they will. Whatever's going on with your visions, we'll get to the bottom of it. And Groo'll be fine, you'll see."

"I'm supposed to be comforting you," she sniffed. He smelled like lemons and allspice and old paper, and she breathed in comfort, as deep as her lungs could handle. He managed a near smile.

"Maybe we're supposed to be comforting each other."

Lorne left them huddled on the floor together, two champions burdened and lightened by love. Whether they'd be saved or destroyed by it was anyone's guess. Sometimes the lines between futures were just too close to call. 

**********

Feedback is always appreciated!


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